I've managed to get on top of my insomnia lately - until last night. After a dream involving needing to find a power adaptor for my step mum, I woke up and my brain started going through everything I need to get done. That was at 1.30am.
I tried pretty much everything - meditation, reading, listening to white noise...I eventually fell asleep at 5am. My alarm went off at 6am. A dog walk, a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee later and I was out on the school run. Just need to last until Friday and no more school runs until next year! I spent some time organising the diary for the remainder of 2016, which made me realise just how close the end of the year is! I also got some of the things done that had been going around in my mind overnight. Not such a "sleepy life" last night. D had the opposite - I heard him go to bed at 4am and his alarm went off at 9am.
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It's been a while since I had insomnia, but last night I did.
I was awake from about 1am until 4am. I'm not sure what woke me up, but my racing mind kept me awake. For some reason I couldn't stop my mind from running...thoughts...thoughts...worry...anxiety...it won't matter in the morning...I know...I need to do all those things...I know...worry...thoughts...anxiety. I slept in this morning, but of course it wasn't really a lie in because I'd missed 3 hours in the night. Still, I managed a 2 mile walk in the frost. The sun was shining and I still saw part of the sunrise. Tonight I will sleep (well, I'd better - my alarm is set for 5.45am!) A few weeks ago I was in a bad place.
Very bad, actually. I was living a lot in the past and a lot in the future and not a great deal in the present. Then a friend (and I don't have many people I call that) suggested mindfulness and meditation to me. Now I'm not really the "hippy" type (although, yes, I do home educate) - but I was so desperate I actually looked into it. What I found to help myself out of the midnight panics, insomnia and all-round axiety I was suffering was to focus on "now". I will always be influenced by my past. And I will always (I imagine) need to think about the future to a certain degree (who doesn't). But sometimes, when I'm walking the dog or lying in bed awake at 3am or going for a run or doing weights at the gym or feeding the cats - it's good to just focus on "now" - sights, sounds, smells, or just being grateful for what I have. |
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May 2018
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